You are a widow. Your late husband had dementia and became violent. Life was hell.
You are a son. Your Dad died after a horribly long struggle with stomach cancer.
Your Mum ran off with a 25 year old, months after the death of your 60 year old Dad and she has died of a heart attack. She has split her estate three ways between her new “other half”, you and a charity.
You are a daughter who was a carer for her late Mum who was incapable of communication for three years due to a stroke.
As an executor you get a thank you letter for the legacy of your relative
(or it could be worse and you got no communication at all)
Now think:
- Do you want condolences? And what is a condolence?
- Do you want sympathy?
- Do you want to know the impact of the gift?
- Are you really angry you have not inherited everything?
- Are you glad you can now continue your life with your secret lover?
The biggest question for YOU is: do you know how any of these humans feel?
Are they cracking open a bottle of champagne cooling in a bucket weeping buckets of tears or just heated with anger?
The answer for you the fundraiser: YOU DO NOT HAVE A CLUE. But WOW it would be good to connect and ensure a happy way forward.
Our research with lawyers, next of kin, executors, pledgers and enquirers indicate many communications are assumptive. Or they are such obvious templates that it proves you do not really care.
Legacy fundraisers hold the key to vital relationships with executors (professional and lay), next of kin, in-mem donors, complainants, contested Wills, those with a life interest, enquirers and pledgers.
A thank you letter is not the end of the journey – it is the start of a journey.
It is possible that all of the above audiences have never been in touch with you before. ALL of them are future legacy prospects – not just the enquirers and pledgers. All of them can be rumourmongers, enemies or friends.
Saying thank you really well is hard. Perhaps we ought to invest just as much in “thank you” communications as we do in “please” communications?
As I get older I am becoming more part of the herd of word nerds (i.e. oldies).
And I still get angry with myself when I get words wrong.
So let’s start with the worst word to a next of kin:
Condolence (usually used in the plural – condolences).
Excuse me for asking but what is a condolence? It is never used by anyone except at a death. And it is clawingly sympathetic and assumptive. Sympathy is BAD – empathy is GOOD.
To be cynical for a moment, as some next of kin are too, why are you sending condolences having received a small (or large!) fortune?
Isn’t it better to immediately express your gratitude for such exceptional generosity and then express your empathy. For instance: “we cannot imagine how you are feeling” or “what you are going through”?
Let’s take each audience as defined above and ask one question: Do you set an objective for that email, letter or call? If not, why not? After all, every appeal you send has an objective?
As families fragment or at least experience less permanency, “unhappy” Wills and contested Wills are going to increase. What will this do to your charity’s brand and reputation?
Are you recommending a “Free Will” where the terms and conditions say “we take no responsibility for contested Wills” or “Our Will is no substitute for legal advice”. Read the T & Cs and read every word carefully. It is frightening to witness what is in the small print and a “kit” to make your own….. OMG so dangerous.
There are almost 900,000 Brits experiencing dementia – by 2040 it will be 1.5 million. How many older people are vulnerable but need help to make a good Will? Is the objective to be a supportive arm or just ignore their circumstances? Or is the objective to enable connection so you can understand what they are going through?
I wonder what your situation is? I do not have a clue.
Thank you for reading this.
Richard has been helping charities grow legacy income globally for over 35 years and has no plans to stop yet! He has just updated his Will.
His book on legacy fundraising is now available through Amazon in PAPERBACK and kindle. https://bit.ly/3WtD7ci
He becomes more passionate and forthright as years progress.
Richard’s co-director Zoë is brilliant on individual giving. It was Zoë who suggested the importance of a “thank you” session at the Smee & Ford Legacy Strategy Summit 2024 which has led to this blog.